Two GIS searches for Hurlbutt and Assburger.....(I put them together in paint) 

POOR SECRETARIES!!!

Today was another laugh fest at the office. I love it when that happens. You see, working in a law office, you tend to come across some very unusal names. Usually they are just weird or hard to pronounce, but every once in a while, you get those really funny ones that lead to mass hysteria. Today, it was having to call the Law Office of HURLBUTT, CLEVENGER, & LONG. I had to call the office and the poor secretary had to answer the phone just like that. "HURLBUTT, CLEVENGER and LONG, how can I help you?" Ha Ha!! Poor girl.

And if you think that's bad, last year my grandma (who works with me, by the way) and I couldn't stop laughing for a week when we had to deal with an IRS agent with the name of, and no I'm not kidding, DICK ASSBURGER!!!

HA HA....anyways. I just about have tears streaming down my face right now. I took the Abstract with the Hurlbutt, Clevenger and Long header on it and jokingly asked one of the other girls here if she knew how to pronounce it. She had a client in there and she said it out loud and they both cracked up. Then I called my aunt Dena who works for another Law Firm here in Fresno and said in a high pitched, whiny voice, "Hi, this is Cindy from HURLBUTT, CLEVENGER and LONG..." and she was like, "Uh-huh..." I heard a whimper and then I finally let it out that it was me. She started cracking up so hard!!! HA HA....anyways. Maybe it's one of those "you had to be there" kind of things. But it was flippin' hilarious.

Ok. Hope you at least had a giggle.

I made this yesterday.




I wanted to use it as a background to my XANGA site. It worked at first, but now it's gone.

I don't know what happened. I like Drew.

Well, he's not picking him up and swinging him around in this pic, but it's the only one I could find. You member, member.... 

I'm living in a CONDO?

Okay, this may not be a very big deal to anyone else, but I just found out that my nifty, two bedroom apartment is actually a condo. Or rather, they were built as condos and once privately owned, until some lawyer shmuck came from the bay area and bought everybody's homes from them. (Apparently, he must have been able to offer them more than just fair market value to get all eight of them to move out.) Anyways, it makes total sense. I mean, my apartment IS just like a little house. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, washer dryer hookups, fireplace, separate little dining nook and everything. Not to mention, it's also like 1,200 square feet. So, I'm all excited now cause I can say I live in a "Condo." It makes me want to say it all snooty and stuff, like, "Yes, I live in a Condo, mmm hhmmm." Like one of those rich people who wear dead animals around their necks.

Ha ha. That reminds me of the 2nd Ace Ventura Movie where Ace knocks out that guy who looks like the monopoly man and puts him in his shoulders and parades around the room like he was a fur of some sort, singing, "la da da da deee, la da da da daaaaiiiiiiiiii." Hee hee...that was funny.....maybe I can find a picture of that......

Anyways, I have to go now....too good for this blog now cause I live in CONDO.... hehe.

Okay!!! I just had to post this!! This is my friend Mike making this stupid face where he shakes his head hecka fast and lets his lips loose....we caught him in mid shake!!! HA HA HA 

And this is my FAVORITE! Also my most recent. I made this one today for my aunt. She's going to an eighties party on Saturday and this is her outfit. I sent it to her and she thought it was hilarious!! Ok, that's all for my PAINT PEOPLE today. If you would like me to make a PAINT PERSON out of you, just let me know, I would be glad too!!! HA HA HA 

This is another outfit. I have never worn it cause it doesn't exist. I was just bored and I like green. I started it out with black and teal, then to purple, then to brown and then stuck with green because it's my favorite color. Too bad I didn't know how to sew very well. (And if you notice, much detail goes into my drawings...notice the ties on the side of the shirt?) =) 

Now, this isn't an entire person, but I like it, so I'm putting it up there. This was my outfit for the fourth of July. Cute, huh? 

This next one is my outfit for the same party. If you notice, I didn't have actual pictures of my clothes, so I had to draw them all out....notice the pinstriped pants, the beaded neckalce, even the earrings are there, and of course, the red feather boa. (hee hee) 

This first one is a PAINT PERSON I made for my friend Kristy as we prepared to attend a "Pimp and Ho" party. This was her outfit, smooshed together. For this one, I took actual pictures of her pants and shirt, and then added accessories, hair, the white feather boa, etc.  

THE PAINT PEOPLE....

Okay, so today I made a new paint person. I know you guys will probably think this is SOOOO flippin stupid, but I thought I would share my paint people with all of you. Usually I make paint people for fashion design, meaning I like to put together outfits and make people wear them. Of course, I do them in the PAINT program, so they are not peices of art, but hey, some of them are funny....so I am going to share them. I will describe each PAINT PERSON as I post them. ENJOY.....

An excerpt......

Hi! I'm Sally, and I'm Johnny	Welcome to our website: Black People Love Us! We are well-liked by Black people so we're psyched (since lots of Black people don't like lots of White people)!! We thought it'd be cool to honor our exceptional status with a ROCKIN' domain name and a killer website!!

We hope you think we're as awesome as the Black community does!!
Check out these testimonials from our real life friends!

	Sally loves to touch my hair! She always asks me how I got my hair to do this. That makes me feel special. Like I have magical powers!		Johnny calls me "da man!" That puts me at ease. It makes me feel comfortable, because I am Black and that's how Black folks talk to one another.
	Johnny always plays up his (Italian, Irish, Jewish, etc.) ethnicity to me—as an entree into friendship!		Johnny always says: "I'm not racist; one of my best friends is Black!" I think he might mean me!
	Johnny is generous enough to remark upon how "articulate" I am! That makes me feel good!		Sally always says things that make me feel special, like: "You're so cool, you're different, you're not like other Black people!"

Black People Love Us

Okay, so I came across this site on the net and just about laughed my butt off. To some of you, this may not be funny, it may seem racist or something, but if you read it, it's really not. It was compiled by a mixture of races to, in a sense, poke fun at some of the common misconceptions that white people have about black people. Now for those of us that know the truth, this humor is entertaining and it's something we can nod our heads too and say, "Oh my Gosh, that is so true." Like I said, some of you may not like it, or may just not get it, but please keep in mind, this is really not meant to put ANY RACE down, it's satire. Humor...nothing more.
If you want to see what I am talking about, please visit www.blackpeopleloveus.com and enjoy a few laughs!

Posted above is an excerpt from the site...

Then mama said, “Well, that’s all I can think of right now.”

Wow.....for those of you that don’t know me or my mother that may read this, well, we may probably seem pretty dang weird....and well, we are. But it makes us who we are today. I tell you what, no matter how bored I am, or how poor, or how little resources I have, I will always be able to have a good time or figure a way to add a little excitement to my life....

Hope you enjoyed my WHITE TRASH FAMILY TALES. Come back tomorrow, who knows, I may have another story to add.....

yum... 

“Speaking of speeding chases, you should tell them about the time you drove illegally when you were like 12 because Ben ran away and we were trying to catch him.” (Okay, my brother Ben ran away when I was like 12. He was being stupid. And he was into all this Vampire stuff and this Anne Rice stuff. It was just one of those weird phases. Well, he had run away and we hadn’t seen him for like almost a week when all of the sudden me and my mom were coming back from the store one night and we saw him walking with his friend Sid. So she called his name and tried to get him to come, but he wouldn’t, so she chased him too. I know, I know...you guys are probably gonna think my mom’s crazy, but she’s not, just creative and protective. She loves us a lot. Anyways, my brother went into this canal thingy so my mom couldn’t take the car, so she told me, “follow me in the car.” You could see the canal, but it wasn’t wide enough to drive down. So I’m sitting there in the car with my eyes wide, part of me thrilled cause I’m gonna get to drive, and the other part of me totally horrified. But mama said drive, so I better get my butt moving. So, I put the car in Drive and went about half a block. Then my mom came out and it was over. I ended up getting out and chasing my brother down and telling him to come home. But he wouldn’t listen to me either. He came home about a day or so later when the cops brought him. Mama wasn’t too happy so she took his room which he had previously painted black, and painted it sky blue with white sponge work. Pretty. It was the first time I’ve ever seen my mother wear pants. Kind of weird.)

“Or, you could always tell them about the time I almost beat up Mike Garcia ‘cause he punched you in the boob or the time that we chased those kids down the street cause that girl flipped me off.” (Ok, these events happened the same day. You see, me and Mike were just joking around and I socked him, so he socked me back. Except he socked me in the boob, so when my mom pulled up to pick me up and I told her what happened, she got all pissed off and starting chasing him. It was great. Then he got in the car with these other people and this girl Alana flipped her off. That’s one thing you NEVER want to do to my mom. So anyway, my mom chased them in the car hecka fast all the way to their house which was really only about a block away. I totally thought she was going to kill them, but really it was just a scare tactic. And it worked. Ha ha...)

POW!!! BANG!!!! 

eeewww.... 

“What else? Geez, Natalie....there’s so many horrible stories you could tell!! Oh, you could tell them about that time you kids picked the wild berries at Bear River and you guys all got diarrhea and we had to swat all of those bats out of the bathroom!” (That was so horrible. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.)

Yes, we actually got fifteen people into this tiny car. But ours was orange, if that makes any difference..... 

“Speaking of vehicles, you could always tell them about that tiny Datsun we had that we fit like fifteen people in taking them all home from school from Larchmont School. Remember that?” (As a matter of fact, even though I was maybe only in the first grade, I do remember it quite distinctly. I remember that we had crammed so many people in that car that there were people even laying in the back window. And I remember sitting indian style on the floorboards under three other people who were squished together in the front seat and that one of them had very poor hygiene.)

It kind of looked like this, except I recall a vent thingy popping out of the top and it wasn't quite so nice.... 

“Hmmm, what else? Oh, well, you could tell them about the big Chevy van we had with no seatbelts and the bed in the back and how you guys used to have to jump down and lay flat on the floor when we saw cops!” (Okay, even though my mother won’t admit it, I think most of this was in fun, because now as an adult, I realize that there are not as many cops as there should be with the amount of times we had to dive to the van’s floor. The van looked a lot like the kidknapper van, except it had some windows in the back and a blue stripe along the middle. Ah.....I miss that van....)

“Oh, and you could tell them about the scavenger hunts we used to make you kids go on when we would run out of stuff.” (Some of you already know this story, but to refresh your memory, when we were broke and ran out of household goods, we would go on fake scavenger hunts for stuff we needed. Anything from rolls of Toilet Paper, to Toothpaste, deodorant, eggs, etc. It worked out really well for us most of the time.)

 

WHITE TRASH TALES

It’s been five days since my last entry. I wanted to post, but couldn’t think of anything interesting to write about. So, in a fetal attempt to please my reading audience, I called my mother. I told her I wanted to write something humorous, abstract and yet true. She poured out event after event after event that I could write about. I didn’t know where to start. I first contemplated making a series entitled, “WHITE TRASH FAMILY TALES,” but then opted not too, as it might be too much. So, I’m going to lay out the telephone conversation as it went down, and then maybe elaborate at the end of each section. If you know me by now, then understand it may get a little hefty..... Okay, here goes:

(I decided I’m going to split them up to add graphics.)

Mom:
“Hmm, lemme think....um...well, you could tell them about when you guys were little and we were too poor to go camping, so we’d let you guys set up the tent in the front yard.” (And yes, we did this quite often, actually. Our friends would even come over and we’d have two or three tents in the front yard, with out flashlights and sleeping bags. It was quite fun!)

Miss Alyssa.... 

ANY BODY WANT SOME PIZZA?

Ok, so I saw that my cousin Alyssa has started to read my blog. And after reading a few of her comments, I had to write a story about her. I’m surprised I didn’t write this one sooner. Now, for those of you who are hearing this story for the first time, well, it might just be one of those “you had to be there” kind of things. But here goes anyway.

It was a regular night out with the girls. The girls meaning, myself, my daughter, my friend Brandie and Alyssa. I don’t remember where we were going, but during the middle of it all, we got hungry. So, we stopped at the Little Ceasar’s on Gettysburg for their “Hot n’ Ready” pizzas that are only five bucks. So, we are sitting there on the little patio table in front of the pizza place grubbing up, when all of the sudden these two girls come bursting out of The Bar (the actual name of the place, by the way) at the end of the shopping center. We’re watching these girls stumble around, trying to flirt with these other two guys. They were acting totally stupid so we were all laughing at them. Alyssa kept saying hilarious stuff and making remarks about them and we were totally cracking up. This is the usual routine for us. We can f1ind humor in anything. Especially when Alyssa is around.

Ok. So, Brandie started being funny and threw a piece of her pizza on the ground and was like, “I hate this place. This place is dumb.” Very nonchalant. Well, as we sat and jokes and giggled and chuckled, Brandie decided to give Alyssa a dare.

“I dare you to walk over to The Bar and stand in front of the door and then throw your pizza inside and scream, ‘I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!’”

At first Alyssa was quite reluctant. A few minutes elapsed and it was determined that she would pass up the dare. Then, out of nowhere, Alyssa picks up a piece of pizza, walks over to the door of The Bar and stands there, blank in the face, pizza in one hand held above her head as if ready to nail someone in a food fight. We still didn’t believe that she would actually do it. We sat there, waiting, about to laugh hysterically, but sure that she wouldn’t follow through. She stood there long enough to get the attention of The Bar’s patrons, and then all of the sudden, with all her might, she slammed the piece of pizza on the ground in front of the bar, looked straight in at the people inside with a psychotic look on her face, and then screamed at the top of her lungs, “I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!!” and ran like a crazy person back to our table. Brandie and I were so shocked that she had actually done it, that we laughed so hysterically that we almost peed our pants. We were busting up so loud. Then the manager guy of The Bar came outside, and I was like, “Come on. Get in the car, get in the car.....hurry up...” Still trying to hold in my laughter and pee that so badly wanted to squirt out. (Ok, I know that’s a little graphic, but I’m telling the truth.)

It was the funniest thing. We still joke about it now. It’s kind of one of those ‘inside’ jokes. Except now it is no longer inside.

Hope you enjoyed. Posted above is a picture of the pizza culprit.