REVENGE OF THE SLUGS!!!

My advice this morning? If you are thinking about quitting smoking, or if you are quitting smoking and are using the Nicotine Patch as an aide, please remember to remove the patch before going to sleep.

Last night was the second time I forgot to take my patch off. Talk about vivid dreams. I woke up this morning half scared and half hysterically laughing. This was one of the strangest, stupidest, totally wacky dreams I have ever experienced. Now, mind you, it was a dream, so I only remember certain parts, but here goes:

At first, it was as if I was watching a movie. A girl was walking in a dark hallway, I realized the girl was me, but I was watching it happen. She is walking along in this dark house and it was pretty scary. All of the sudden Freddy Kruger jumps out and grabs her, but then it cuts to like a black screen and Freddy pops out of the screen like a graphic and slashes the words “Nightmare on Elmstreet, The Finale to the Final Nightmare.” No, I am serious.

So, now it’s not a movie anymore, I am there, in this town, near the water. I couldn’t tell you if it was the ocean or a lake, because at sometimes it was an ocean and others it was more of a lake. Anyway, I guess that’s not too pertinent. Ok, so I’m in this town and Freddy Kruger is now in the real world. Somehow he crossed the line and doesn’t only live in our dreams. He is killing people and all that Kruger stuff. There is one part of the dream when he is trying to cross over, that he makes me put him back in this like kiln thing. So, I do. (I just remembered something funny and I’m laughing now, but I’ll get to that a little later.) So, anyways, I put him in this kiln thing. It’s a white machine, that looks more like a Culligan Water machine than a kiln, but in my dream it was a kiln. So, he gets inside, I close it up and I look around me and there are all these men in black suits. (Remembered something else funny, hahahaha....I’ll get to it later) Ok, so these guys are standing around me and Freddy in the kiln. They are not talking, more like waiting to see what is going to happen. So Freddy tells me to start the kiln. So, I’m ready to start the kiln and run the heck away. Well, I start it, Freddy starts screaming and stuff, and I start to run away, then all of the sudden the stinkin’ kiln flips over and I hear Freddy say, “Oh Darn it, it smoldered out. Flip me over and start it again.” (That was funny thing number one.) So, I went back to him, started it up and then bolted.

So, I end up in these people’s house. They have like five kids. There is a pastor there and a black girl and some other people. I am telling them about what is going on and about Freddy and the guys in the black suits. They are scared. Well, we started talking about slugs for some reason. They were telling me that they knew something was going on because of the amount of slugs that where were. I was kind of confused because I didn’t know how slugs had anything to do with Freddy Kruger and the men in the black suits. Well, turns out, Freddy Kruger had created these mutant slugs who where actually the men in the black suits but they could transform back and forth so they can sneak in and kill you. So, anyway, one of those five kids comes running in screaming about a whole bunch of slugs. So, we all run outside and, yep, there’s a whole bunch of slugs. Well, I guess since the slugs realized that we knew about them and what they were, they all transformed and starting killing people. They had little oozie’s. Some of them stayed slugs and had mini oozie’s. But most of them turned into the men in the black suits. All of the sudden, my dream vision did like a close-up to one of the men, and he said something like, “He said they wouldn’t fight back.” Or something like that. Then he turned around and the dream vision did a zoom out on the whole scene and the normal people had their own guns and started shooting the guys in the black suits. Then I hear the song, “Here come the Men in Black!” (Funny part no. 2)

I remember trying to hide in some kind of closet and there was this mexican kid who was talking about how we needed to start the acid rain to kill the slugs. (Freddy kind of disappeared after that, and it was more, “The Revenge of the Slugs.”) Well, in the process of all of this, I lost my shoes. I was trying to run, but I kept stepping on these nasty slugs and my feet were sticking to the ground. The mexican guy gave me a pair of shoes. I didn’t know who they belonged to, so I didn’t want to wear them unless I got permission. I came across a large crowd of people on the sand near the beach. The slugs weren’t in this area. I guess they didn’t like the sand too much. Anyway, the black girl that I mentioned earlier was sitting there. She had like three pairs of summer flip flops in front of her that looked like they would fit me, so I asked her if I could borrow a pair. She told me the shoes I had in my hand were hers, I asked if I could wear them, she told me I couldn’t wear those particular ones because they were her Gucci sandals, but I could borrow a pair of the flip flops. Anyway, I know that whole part of the dream is totally stupid, but I remember it clearly, so I am writing it down.

Ok, so somehow we ended up back at the house we were previously at. The lady and her five kids were there and the pastor. Some of the men in black came in and grabbed the kids. They were holding them all roughly and were going to kill them if the lady didn’t cooperate. I wasn’t sure exactly what they wanted her to do. So they men in black are holding her kids when all of the sudden, two Matthew Lillard’s come up the stairs in like almost ghostbusters uniforms. (Matthew Lillard is the other killer in the original scream movie, for those of you that don’t know) So, I’m like, “Hey, Matthew Lillard! “ Then another Matthew Lillard popped out. And I was like, “Wow! There’s three of you?!” I decided I would go with the Matthews. The Matthews first helped the lady get her kids and they sprayed the men in black with this stuff that turned them back into slugs. And then they stepped on them.

All of the sudden I am outside by what is now a lake. The pastor is there and he is praying for help from God with these slugs. All of the sudden, I hear Freddy’s voice, but I don’t see him. Then, out from the middle of this lake, comes this HUGE slug. Like bigger than a whale. You don’t see it’s whole body, but from the size of it’s head you can tell that it is just huge. The slug says something to the pastor, I don’t remember what, and then, slowly, the slug ate the pastor. He had sharp, jagged teeth and the pastor couldn’t escape. I started running back toward the town shouting, “The slugs are coming!!! The slugs are coming!!!”

And then I woke up.

All throughout the morning I kept laughing about it and repeating to myself, “Revenge of the Slugs??” Geez, it is so funny to me. I was in the shower and I started thinking about it and I couldn’t help cracking up. I’m even laughing right now. Talk about a stupid dream!!!

Ok, hope you enjoyed.

-Nat