February 16, 2005

It’s been so long since I’ve written. I feel so horrible for not keeping up on this. If I actually did what I said I was going to do, and write down every nice, sweet or lovely thought about you, then I would have completed this book by now and probably written 10 other books. I’m sorry. So many things have been going on lately.
I’m sitting here at my desk, thinking just how wonderful you are. I wanted to remind you of something. When you took me out to dinner on Valentine’s Day and I told you that I was lucky because when I looked around that room packed with people, I still found you the most attractive man in the room; well, I meant that. It’s almost funny. You are absolutely beautiful to me. When I look at you, I don’t just see your face, your gorgeous eyes and your yummy lips, I see you. You. The man I know and love. You are amazing. I know I give you a hard time sometimes, but if you only knew what I saw when I look at you. Sometimes I get caught up when I see you. You’re so beautiful. I find myself just staring at you. I love you so much, Luke. I can’t imagine being happy without you. You are wonderful.

March 14, 2005

Geez, I am horrible, aren’t I? There are month spans of time when I don’t write. I think about you everyday, but yet, my mind escapes me, and I don’t put those thoughts down. I am sitting here at work, actually waiting for you to come and pick me up to go to the hospital to get my cast off. (I am so excited) I am sitting here anxious in my chair. Anticipating. I am not excited so much about the cast removal, not the fact that I am going to be able to be semi-normal again, but anticipating your face. I’m excited because you’re coming. Because I will kiss you as soon as I reach you. Because I will hold your hand in the truck on the way to the hospital and even that simple little moment will be so special to me. Because I will see your profile as you drive and tell myself how lucky I am every time I am near you. You will find me staring at you and a smirk will cross your face. I think you know when I am talking to myself inside my head. When I am telling myself all of these wonderful things about you and confirming the love I have for you. I see it when you smile. That cute little puffy lip smile you smile when you know what I am thinking. How you do it, I do not know. Maybe I am too obvious. I’m not sure. But I know there are times when you just know. And that makes me feel good, too. Sometimes a little embarrassed, but it still feels good.
Luke, you mean the world to me. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up next to you and see your face staring back. I want your patience in the morning and your gentleness in the evening. I want the warmth of you surrounding me as I sleep. I can’t think of what else to say right now. I’m waiting for you to walk through the door, so I can smell you; kiss you; be next to you. Love is sure consuming, isn’t it? Sometimes, even in the midst of the worst day, one thought of you takes me on a cruise around the world five times over and I have left those wretched thoughts of the horrible day behind me. I am thinking of you. You are my escape.
I love you more today than yesterday and even more every millisecond.
Until next time, my love.